Today has been a rough day, so I’ve decided to sit and gripe
about it on the internet hoping to either reach someone who feels the same way
or in the future to be able to look back on this time and smile cause it’s past
me.
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| Found this on Women's Studies 240 group |
I have never been a person who has been in great shape. When
I was “skinny” it was before puberty and ever since the boobies started showing
my whole body started growing, except well my height cause I’ve been 5’2.5
since I was like 13… I’ve struggled with body image for as long as I can
remember, sometimes it’s easier than others and right now I’m feel pretty
terrible about myself and the way I look.
I want to start by holding myself accountable for the poor
choices I make when I get hungry, or sad or bored or annoyed or anxious. I do
eat “bad food” I don’t usually eat bad food constantly and even when I am on a
heath kick I still manage to gain weight. I have been going to the gym more and
doing more than cardio because I heard that helps. Now I don’t go that often,
maybe like 2x a week. I really struggle with motivation when I still feel like
a whale regardless of how hard I am trying.
Yesterday I bought Chinese food for dinner I only had a plate
and I don’t see what’s so wrong about that. I don’t want to live my life on a
diet. But to feel comfortable in my own
skin I’m starting to think I have to.
My mom has suggested seeing a doctor, maybe it is a thyroid
problem and I am gaining weight because something is wrong. I also know water
weight is a thing. And I am a very dehydrated
person so maybe my body really does hold in a lot of water and make me feel
bloated. I honestly don’t know, I just feel hopeless.
Some days I feel like after I’ve worked out I feel “tighter”
I feel like I’m making progress but on the scale I am heavier. It’s starting to
scare me because I’m seeing numbers that horrify me. Maybe the scale is wrong
and it’s gotten to my head. I know I’m not as fit as I should be so I am still
going to work out. And once all the Chinese and junk is out of my house I’ll go
to the store and buy a week’s worth of food, from frozen diet meals ( I know
they contain a lot of sodium, so I promise to really up my water intake) to
prepped dinners so I can’t just order out because “I have nothing to eat” I
think convenience is a huge thing for me and dinner has been very inconvenient
for me, which leads me to eating badly and at a time when I don’t know what’s
wrong with my body I want to rule out bad diet being the reason why I can’t
lose weight.
I feel like I should be honest with what I’ve eaten in a day and
that will help hold me accountable for making a huge change and eating much
better. I'm hoping that REALLLY changing my food intake will either help me lose
weight or will rule out a poor diet being the reason I’m gaining.
I really just needed to moan, I know if I want to change I
have to give it my all and not make any excuses but it’s easier said than done
but I take control of my happiness regarding my body. Even if there are days I
don’t eat as cleanly as I should. I’ll work out extra hard. This cycle
unhappiness has to end and this post is the first step for me.
Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Until next time,
Bexs
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